Perspective, Attitude & Reaction

My last post had a bit more negativity than I like to leave.  Granted, it was honest, but while I have my breaking moments, most the moments are more positive.

I'm learning.  It's a proccess.  I guess in some ways I feel like I'm a real grown-up now, and figuring out this thing called life.  I have three children, one in school now, own a home and am in a vocation.  There's going to be lots of ups and downs.  Lots of stress and problems to face.  Many blessings and much joy too.  Jesus said, "in this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."

Here's what I'm learning.

It's a lot about perspective.  Sure there are times life is challenging and I could list many things that I don't like or seem unfair.  But I'm not the only one.  We all have different difficulties to own. 

I may face the challenges of being a working mom to three young children.  I have two sister-in-laws who are blessed to stay home with their children.  But one has a husband who works 24-48hr shifts, so is alone during that time.  The other has a husband who owns his own business, works long hours and 6 days a week.

Which makes me thankful that after a long day of work and running kids to and fro, Bean is home all evening and we are able to share those duties together.  I saw this quote on Facebook the other day: "Whenever I get an idyllic view of someone else's life, I will often say out loud, "I am not equipped to handle what they have, both good and bad."

Those words could not be more true.  You can't compare one life to another.  The Psalmist said "the boundary lines for me have been set in pleasant places."  Which to me means--the life I have, is the life God intended for me, both the good and the challenging.  It's not for me to look beyond what he has given me, at this moment.  Because you never know how things may change in the future either. 

Perspective also says, I HAVE children.  So many ache for children, but don't have them.  My children are HEALTHY, and there are many sick children in this world. 

It's also about my attitude.  No, it's not always great.  Some days I want to give up. Some days I want to break down.  Some days I'm short with my children, with my husband because of the stress I feel.  But I choose my attitude.  I've learned what it takes (most of the time) to adjust my attitude.  Perhaps I need to go for a run, or even a walk around the block with the kids changes my attitude.  I need to forget worrying about cleaning and the household duties, get on the floor and play with the kids.  I need to make quality time with my husband (even if its just watching a movie after the kids are in bed) a priority.  These attitude-fixers are huge for me.

And my reaction.  Oh that reaction.  When life throws me a curveball, I want to pick it up and lob it right back in someone else's face.  I want to be immature and throw a fit like my kids do.  But that's not Christlike.  Nor does it really help the situation.

I bite my tongue.  I tell Bean how I'm feeling to process it, but of course it's a conversation that stays between us.  I remind myself of God's promises and how they've held true my entire life.

Basically, in some ways, I don't react.  Most of the time, things work themselves out--and often it doesn't even take that long.  If I were to react according to my flesh, it would make situations bigger than necessary and cause damamge.

I'm sure I'll need to come back and read this soon, to remind myself of these truths, when the next curveball comes or when the day in and day out routines are overwhelming me. 

Another quote I saw on Facebook recently (I have some friends who post great stuff!) said "fear takes a lot more work than faith."  I would add--with fear, circumstances consume you; with faith--you just let go.

So I choose to let go.  I choose to rejoice.  I choose to be anxious about nothing.  I know this won't be the last time.

At the end of the craziest day, full of "what ifs" and "I wish" and "It's not fair"...I still love my life, I love my children, I love my husband.  God has been so good to me.

The Lord of the Dance

Can I be honest for a few moments? 

It's not that I'm opposed to honesty.  In fact, I try to be an honest person with high integrity.  I really dislike telling untruths--even "white lies."

But I'm a bottle-er.  Hence the "no crying mama" moniker.  I don't try to avoid crying, I just don't.  Rarely.  I have a hard time being honest when things are challenging.  I don't lie...I just don't talk about it.  When there are several days of silence on my blog, it's usually because I'm going through a difficult time.

So, the honest truth is...

It's hard being a working mom of three young kids.  I have an amazing job that affords me many family perks and flexibility.  But, it's still hard.  I'm exhausted by the end of a workday.  Being a pastor requires emotional energy.  Being a mom and wife requires emotional energy. 

I'm thrilled Miss Rose is in Kindergarten, but that also means leaving at 7:30am--having all of my work things ready, the little girls ready to go wherever they are going that day and of course Miss Rose's lunch, snack, papers etc.  It feels like no matter how much prep I do the night before, no matter how early I get up, we are still rushing out of the house.  And I still have to go back in at least once for a forgotten item.  Last week I had to return home after dropping off Miss Rose because I had left my breastpump at home.

Bean is an amazing help.  He gets Miss Rose up and dressed before he leaves for work.  And often Gracie is demanding her "prilly dress" bright and early, so she's dressed too.  He always asks me how he can help before he leaves.  But he can't change when the baby poops or projectile vomits before we leave.  Or when Gracie has an accident outside the classroom while waiting to say goodbye to Miss Rose.

We are blessed to have family caring for the little girls on my work days.  But that is an ever-changing flux.  We are once again changing up the plan, which means finding a new normal and routine for each day.  The new plan SHOULD last for an extended period of time, but you just never know.  Sometimes they are at our house, sometimes elsewhere.  For some reason, the uncertainity of it all is hard on me.

Want to hear how my Wednesday went this week?

Arrived to drop Miss Rose off.  Gracie had an accident in front of the classroom, so I had to go tell the office.  When I returned, Miss Rose was in tears because her teacher hadn't opened the classroom yet.  Stripped Gracie down nude, wrapped her bottom half in a blanket I had in the car and drove home where I was dropping them back with my mom.

Got Gracie cleaned up and dressed.  Left for work.  There was a whole coordination going on of my sister in law coming over with her kids, my mom getting Miss Rose from school for a short time, so all the kids could put their handprints in the newly poured cement for the almost complete addition.  I wasn't involved in that--but it still weighed on me during work, hoping it was easy for all involved and that Miss Rose got back in time for her first visit to the library.

Wednesday is Miss Rose's half day and it's not an easy feat carting the little girls to school.  So I left work and picked her up and brought her home to my mom.  Lily was fussy and her nap schedule was off, and the moment she saw me, she just wanted comfort.  So I nursed her and put her to bed. Back to work.

Home at the end of the day, nurse the baby, head off to Rubio's for dinner before church.  Church, home and finally bed for kids and soon after for me.

Did I mention that I have a cold this week and I was full of sinus pressure and a headache?  Or that there is massive construction related stuff going on right now?  Or that I almost flashed construction workers because we don't have curtains on all the windows in the back and I wasn't fully dressed yet?  Lovely.  Just lovely.

I'm realizing more and more how much predictability and stability keep me centered. 

Some days, many days, life feels like a complicated walz that I'll never learn the moves to.

Just when I think I've learned the choreography, it changes.

I know that I am not the only one with these kinds of struggles.  I'm sure if I talked with many of my mom-friends, they'll have similar stories to tell.  It's just life.  It's life with small children.

I still love my life.  I love my children and I even love their closeness in age.  I'm not complaining.  Honestly, I'm not.

In fact, I'm learning to rejoice no matter what.  To be anxious for nothing.  To remember that even when the snapshots of my life don't make sense or are full of craziness, the panorama that God sees, is perfect in his eyes.

Life is a dance.  And unfortunately, I've not got much rhythm.  Just ask my friends!  But I'm trying to learn.  To go with the flow.  To trust the Lord I dance with.  To let him take the lead and just follow.  Because I know that my life is beautiful.  Even if sometimes it's a beautiful mess.

Lackadaisical

I admit, I had to look up the spelling of that word.  But it's a good word, no?  Defined as without interest, vigor or determination.

For some reason,  this word personifies my children when it comes to the development of gross motor skills. 

When I had just one child, I figured sitting at 8 months old, crawling at 10 months and not walking until 15 months was because she was an amazon baby--24lbs at 1 year old.  Perhaps it was just hard to move her solid little body.

Then I had another child.  Who was on a decidedly different growth curve, weighing a mere 18lbs at 1 year old.  Certainly since she as a slight thing, she'd be able to move more quickly.  But no, Gracie took cues from her big sister apparently and her gross motor skills developed at very similar ages to Miss Rose.

This time around, I know what to expect.  And that's not much! 

My children just lack determination to move themselves around.  I have no idea why this is.  I don't think that I hold them or carry them around more than other mama's tote their little ones.  They have as much "floor time" as they will tolerate. 

Do other mama's "work with" their babies more to help them achieve these milestones?  Maybe that's my downfall, I just let them do it on their own time and don't push the point.  I doubt this is the case though.  I know many busy mom's who's babies get moving much sooner that mine and I really don't think they had time to work with them on it more than average.

Our neighbors have a little boy just a few weeks younger than Lily.  They are of a similar size.  This little guy was majorly motivated to get moving.  He has two big sisters just like Lily does (almost identical ages as ours too).  By 5 months old he was rolling himself around their house, and propping himself up on his arm and elbow in a reclining position before he was even able to sit up.  He's probably 7 months old now (Lily is 7.5months ) and he is fully crawling--and fast!

And Lily?  She rarely even decides to roll from her back to her belly.  When I put her on her belly, she might try to play for a few minutes but usually she just sticks her fingers in her mouth and lays her head down to suck them.  She's finally sitting for longer periods of time--in the Boppy.  No way is she sitting on her own.

I know not to worry though.  Have you ever met an averagely developed 2yr old who isn't walking?  Probably not.  I know Lily will eventually sit and crawl and walk, just like her sisters.  Just on her own timeline.

Right now--I'm anxious for her to sit on her own, as she'll be happier to play that way.  But honestly, I've learned to not mind that my kids aren't mobile quickly.  It makes things easier!  I don't have to worry yet about her crawling around the house, getting into stuff that isn't safe, being run over by her sisters.  It will all come in time.

But I still do wonder why all three of my daughters are so lackadaisical as babies.

(and I always thought the word was lackSadaisical.  But I guess not.  Learn something new every day)

Oh the drama

Gracie is quite dramatic. Just for the sake of being dramatic. She's currently experimenting with expressing various emotions, that usually aren't applicable to the situation, but she likes them nonetheless. A few days ago, while I sat at Miss Rose's soccer practice, Gracie kept running up to me, hitting me on the arm and saying "I promise" in a very stern voice. That's one of her favorite tones these days, which I'm working on. I have no idea where that phrase came from.

This is a common pose Gracie strikes when she is trying to get attention or doesn't like something or wants to pout. She hunches her shoulders, purses her lips and will walk around like this for a few minutes. I actually find it very humorous.



And then when she does something wrong or is trying to avoid obeying, she buries her face in the corner of a couch.



Did I mention she wants to wear a "pri-lly" (pretty) dress every day? She's usually awake by 6:30 and it's one of the first things she asks for--along with "milky." This is one of her favorite dresses (which I think is adorable). I'm ready for the weather to cool though because a lot of the dresses are getting short and I want to add leggings to them.

She's a firecracker this one is!

First day

Miss Rose had her first day of Kindergarten on Tuesday. She's been excited about it for quite a while now. It was nice that she was in an early-kindergarten program from January-June, as it really prepared her for what to expect from going to school and the separation from us.


I wanted to capture the three girls on Miss Rose's first day. Notice the look in Gracie's eyes. She's jacked her sister's water bottle and is momentarily getting away with it. I think Bean must have combed her hair the night before...hence the very low part and comb-over look.



A proud dad and his daughter



I can't believe she was the first baby carried by my body. Notice how she is MORE than half my height now? (and I even have small heels on in this photo)


Her teacher's name is Mrs. Mahoney. To which Bean immediately said (because he's a nickname guy): "I think I'll get a shirt made for open house that says 'Mrs. Mahoney is Mah-Homey.' " Poor Miss Rose was confused the first two days as to whether her name was Mahoney or Mahomey. I told Bean he had to chill with the Mah-Homey comments. Although it was quite clever and funny. We also found out that our nephew had Mrs. Mahoney as his kindergarten teacher 6 years ago.


If you follow my Twitter, you may have seen that on the 2nd day of school, Miss Rose was already running a tab at the cafeteria. Both of us didn't quite understand the minimum day schedule. So Miss Rose took it upon herself to get lunch from the cafeteria (even though she was being dismissed at 12:15) and they let her get it on credit. Bean and I had a lot of good laughs from that one.

There were few tears shed the first day upon separation (by all three of us I think) but every morning since has been smooth! Today was my first day not working with Miss Rose in school and I celebrated by going for a run with the double stroller, not needing to worry about Miss Rose on a bike. I'm going to enjoy the one-on-one time I will have with Gracie while Lily naps in the morning.

I realized this morning, that there still is SO much more to come of life and child-rearing. It's only just begun.

She loves, my love

This is her lovey. She doesn't take a binky, but oh how she loves this small satin-y red blanket.

When she was just a few months old I noticed how she loved to caress blankets, especially to soothe herself.

Just to feed my obsession of all things red for this little girl, my recent prize included this lovey. The perfect size to make this mama feel safe with it in the bed, and for toting in the diaper bag and car.

When sleepy-time comes, as soon as this blanket is close to her face, her fingers go in her mouth and her body begins to relax.

I probably should look into purchasing a few more, in case this one gets lost.

I do hope this remains her soothing mechanism of choice. Because if she refuses the binky, she needs SOMETHING.

It's just another sweet thing, that makes her my Lily. Determined to be a little different, yet the same.

She's my lovey. Adding her to our lives has been a bit different, yet the same.
She brings me comfort and security. She fills parts of my soul.
She's the perfect size for toting everywhere. I can't stand to be without her.
She's one of a kind and I will never lose her.

She loves and she's my love.

Gracie has a twin

Have you seen Gracie's twin at your local Old Navy?

I wonder if they saw a picture of my sweet girl and thought she'd make a cute mannequin.

Or perhaps I need to get my kid into modeling, if this is what companies are looking for.

Gracie found her twin at the front of the Old Navy store and was instantly smitten. Hugging her and caressing her face (as you can see by the gentle cupping of the neck).

Personally, I think Gracie is cuter. But I'm biased of course.

Hey Old Navy, anytime you want to borrow my daughter, let me know! Her college fund could use a boost.