Firecracker

(wearing a bathrobe I wore as a child. Don't mind the mess in the background.)

Have I mentioned how Gracie is our little firecracker? Maybe it's her role as the middle child. Maybe it's just her personality. Maybe it's having Miss Rose as a big sister. Probably it's all of the above!

Her language has just taken off since her 2nd birthday. Listening to her communicate these days, it's hard to believe that she's the same little girl who had some difficulty adjusting to a new baby in the house and didn't have the vocabulary to express herself and would just get angry and yell and hit.

She's funny. And she knows it. Gracie loves to talk in different vocal tones and accents, adding to the hilarity. She does funny things with her mouth, with make her words come out differently. It's hard to explain, but it cracks Bean and I up all the time. Even Miss Rose laughs.

(Did I mention she LOVES pasta?)


Some of my favorite phrases these days include...

"right now" she loves adding this to many requests and demands

"your Lily" said whenever she wants me to notice Lily

"there's your Lily all this time" I'm not sure why she adds all this time, but she does it frequently

"why mama" this one just started. such fun.

"stop it right now"

"nooooo"

Words she adds a -y on the end such as milky, buggy, dressy etc.


Every morning begins with "I wear prettly dress" (not a typo...she says it with an L)


"Can we watch a moooovie?"

"Can we go home?" I think she uses this phrase when she is bored. And she has been known to use it when we are home.

"My hair is CRAZY."

Gracie thinks that our contractors (who are also friends and fellow church members) are either going to live in the addition or that they already do. She often greets them with a "hi Tooony" which makes her sound like she's from New York or something.

Whenever she hears a funny sound she said "who's that mama?" A few days ago she made an involuntary noise while having a bowel movement and wanted to know who made the noise.

Oh, and she fell in LOVE with this little Dean Martin singing statue a few weeks ago. She couldn't stop hugging him and singing into his little microphone. This is was at a family members home and you can see that she likes to collect her favorite toys at other people's houses. No matter where we are, if they have toys she will find Barney, Backyardigans, Mickey and Minnie and whatever else is her current favorite.

This little one keeps us on our toes and in stitches too!

Hectic & Harried

Those are the words I would use to describe life these days.

I'm STILL trying to nail down a routine, weekly schedule for household chores.

Such as laundry. So that it doesn't sit on my loveseat for a week. Or in the laundry basket.

Such as tub cleaning. So that I don't cringe at the built-up ring around the tub when I put my baby in.

Current circumstances dicate a change in babysitting location...which means extra driving. Add in VBS this week for Miss Rose. Even more driving.

The closer our addition nears to completion...the more anxious and impatient I get. How does it work that way? I'm ready for the baby to have her own room, and to hopefully wean her off the middle of the night comfort nurse back to sleep. I'm ready to be able to read in bed before I go to sleep. Or relax in my room whenever I want. (Who am I kidding? I have three children. There will be no relaxing in my room). I'm ready for my kids to be able to play in the backyard...instead of the front.

Summer is a blast. But the routine of Miss Rose going to school will be nice too.

Sometimes, in the midst of the hectic and harried days, it's nice to let it all go.

Last night we all ate in shifts. Which allowed Bean and I time to exercise, Miss Rose time to play with her beloved neighbor-friend and we didn't stress about it.

Bean said--who cares if the kids watch more TV than normal tonight.

Just let it go. Relax. Take it easy.

So we did. Sometimes, you just have to do it. The laundry is still in the basket. The tub still has a ring. Other chores remain undone.

Oh well. It will get done eventually. Just like the baby will sleep through the night eventually. And the addition will be done eventually.

And in the meantime, we'll go on living.

Wow!

After finally completeing Gracie's birth story and then adding Lily's I shared the link on a few Babycenter message boards thinking some may be interested in my stories. I know I was very hungry for VBAC stories when I was pregnant with Gracie and then for post-rupture pregnancy info and stories (which is hard to find) when I was pregnant with Lily.

I checked my Stat Counter account today and it looks like my stories have been read almost 600 times today. Wow. I did not expect that. I'm glad I can share my experiences though.

If you are interested, here are links to the Uterine Rupture Support Group and the Pregnancy After Rupture (PAR) groups I found. You will need to apply to become a member and they are only intended for those who have experienced ruptures. But I know they have been quite helpful to me.

And if you found your way here through Babycenter, I don't mind new readers!

Final Installment: Lily Cate

To catch up, you may want to read these blogs first.

Gracie part 1, part 2, and part 3.

I was looking back in my blog posts to find a link to Lily's birth story. But I guess I never actually blogged the details of her birth. It's not like I wasn't busy you know, with the c-section recovery, pre-K, toddler and baby. Oh yeah, and throw in my job!

It's not nearly as long as Gracie's was...but here are the fun details.

If you've been following my blog you'll remember I blogged this in the morning of the day Lily was born. My labor had been stopped the night before and I was killing time before I could call my doctor to be seen.

I've realized, given my history of uterine rupture and how uncommon it is to experience a rupture and then a subsequent pregnancy, the doctor on call was nervous to make any decisions regarding delivering me. I was 36wks and 5days, just 2 days shy of the magic 37-week full-term number.

As soon as I spoke with my doctor's office, they said to come in just as soon as I could and be seen. Miss Rose and Gracie had stayed the night with their grandma, since we had been at the hospital so late. The next day was the day she normally watches them while I work, so she kept them for us again.

After hearing my story of the night before, my doctor said it sounded like I would deliver before my scheduled c-section date. She planned to let the hospital know that if I came in again in labor to call her (not the on-call doctor) and she'd come do my c-section without trying to stop my labor again. I felt better about this plan, but I was still nervous about the taxing my flawed uterus was getting.

Then it was internal exam time. Upon examining me, I was a very loose 2cm, and easily stretched to 3cm--even more progress since the night before and the head was very low. My doctor said "oh, you're not going to last. This baby is going to come. You're so close to 37, let's deliver you as soon as possible."

Now that was more like it! That's what I was wanting to hear and really put me at peace. They would call the hospital and find out when their was a slot and call me--she said it would be that day or the next. Bean and I did a few quick errands and were on our way to our old house to pick up the co-sleeper (remember, we had just moved 4 days prior), which was next to my work.

While en route I got the call to head to the hospital as soon as I was ready, as my c-section would be at 3pm. It was quite a whirlwind. I had NOTHING packed or prepared. The coming weekend, our first full weekend in the new house, was supposed to be "get ready for baby weekend."

And of course, we were scheduled to have our range delivered that afternoon. Bean initially asked his mom to remain at our house with the girls for the delivery (which killed her) because she loves being at the hospital when the babies arrive. A co-worker, who's also a babysitter of ours, offered to leave work and stay with the girls so his mom could come to the hospital.

We picked up the co-sleeper and headed to the hospital. We didn't even have our camera with us--so my mom brought hers.

When I arrived at the hospital and they began to prep me for surgery, I was already having contractions again, confirming that this delivery was inevitable. I had the most wonderful nurse who had three girls of similar ages (we didn't know yet our third girl was coming). She also had a history of c-sections and pregnancy complications. She told me I was getting the best anesthesiologist in her opinion, which I was excited about.

Everything went textbook. It was actually my best c-section. I had the fewest side effects (itching, nausea etc). The OR team put me at ease and conversated with me. We were very excited to meet our baby and both Bean and I were pretty certain it would be a girl. There were three names on our list--Addelyn, Camille and Lily. Bean told me right away he thought she looked like a Lily. And sure enough, the name was perfect for her.

Lily Cate weighed in at 6lbs, 5oz. Her big sisters were a respective 8lbs, 30z and 8lbs, 8oz--so she was a peanut compared to them. This girl was BORN crying. And she cried all through her exam, until she was brought to me. When they were wheeling me into recovery, I heard a baby crying and when Bean came to talk to me he confirmed that yes, it was our baby! Because the experience was so laid back Bean got some great photos (I'm sharing one at the end) and this was the only time he cut the umbilical cord. Things happened so fast with Gracie we didn't even have a camera in the OR.

Bean tormented our family and didn't tell them the gender of the baby at first. Once the baby was with me, he went out and shared the news with Miss Rose (who still wanted a brother) who then shared it with the rest of the family.

It was taking a long time me to be able to move my legs, but my recovery nurse knew how anxious we were for the girls to meet the baby, so she moved me to my room before I could move my legs. By then the girls were pretty tired and overstimulated, so their excitment wasn't quite what I might have dreamed of. After leaving my room, Miss Rose vomited, thanks to skittles and excitement before dinner!

After the trauma that surrounded Gracie's birth, it was a blessing to have such a drama-free and positive c-section experience. Even though it was a crazy time with just having moved and Miss Rose's birthday being two days prior, and not having bags packed or all the baby purchases made. But family and friends pitched in and we made it through.

In my eyes, they all are my miracle babies. Just knowing that I could get pregnant and have a baby was incredible to experience with Miss Rose. Knowing how close we could have come to losing Gracie, makes her a miracle. And then Lily--who surprised this planner of a mama, was in existance weeks before I knew it and decided her own entrance into the world.

I don't take for granted that I can have babies and even if I didn't have the deliveries I dreamed of, I am healthy and so were my babies.

It still amazes me.

Proof she was born crying! Check out this AMAZING photo Bean snapped.


Click on the photo if you want to enlarge it.
I've changed it to black and white to minimize the "gross" factor for those that don't appreciate photos of a surgery (yes, there is a gasket in my incision which they are pulling the baby from.)

Stop It

Kids are parrots. They say what you say, how you say it, over and over again. There have already been many times I hear myself in my children. Sometimes it causes my to cringe. Sometimes it's pure comedy! Sometimes it's so sweet to hear Miss Rose "mother" her sisters in the same way I speak to all three of my girls.

As a parent, you often have to get the message of "no" across to your kids. For all sorts of reasons. Because they are being disobedient, because they are in danger, because they are embarassing you in public, because they are having a temper tantrum. Because they are pestering their sister or coloring on the carpet. You get my drift.

I don't want to be one of those parents who barks out rude statements and comments to their kids, only to tell the kids not to say those kinds of things to each other. I'm not a fan of "cut it out" "quit it" "knock it off" and the like.

So I thought, if I use the word "stop" I will get my point across, without being rude, or overusing the word "no".

Good idea, right? But EVERYTHING backfires with kids.

So now, my kids tell each other to stop. They tell me to stop. Oh how I love it when Gracie gets mad and tells me to stop right in my face. Usually it's not even about a specific thing I'm doing. She is just frusterated about everything.

I guess hearing "stop it" barked around the house is better than "knock it off". But still.

It totally backfired.

And she lived (Gracie pt 3)

I left off here, as I was being rolled into the OR for a now emergency c-section.

Even writing this now, I feel nauseous and almost don't want to go on. But I will. It's good for me. And hopefully interesting and perhaps informative to those reading it. I'm beginning to think that it's been more than just a lack of time keeping me from blogging this.

Time for some writing therapy :)

Once I was in the OR, they quickly began to prep me for surgery. They upped my epidural so that I became completely numb. I was finally numb on my left side, which by then was quite a relief. I had a wonderful nurse who had been with me from the time I was admitted and even though her shift was over, she came with me to assist in the OR. I remember she was hooking me up to the monitors and began to call attention to the baby's numbers.

Baby was not looking so good. She told me that her heartrate was really low and all of the sudden the OR went into a complete flurry. More people descended upon me as the baby's stats continued to decline. I asked the nurse what was going on and if my baby was okay. She did her best to reassure me without making me any promises. I hear the word STAT several times and the dr say "let's get this baby out of her now." There were some minor preparations that hadn't been done yet, but the doctor no longer cared. The OB who had been caring for me was the on-call dr. that night. But all of the sudden I saw my OB, who I'd been seeing in the office. She'd come in to assist in my surgery.

In the midst of the flurry I kept asking the nurse if my husband was going to be able to come in. She affirmed that they would be bringing him in shortly. I heard nothing positive about the condition of my baby and everyone was frantic to get the baby out. I was beside myself. I was in tears, praying harder than I've ever prayed for my baby to be okay.

Then Bean was by my side. I sobbed out that something was wrong with the baby. At first he didn't realize the gravity of the situation. But as I explained more, he understood and we cried and prayed together.

C-sections happen pretty quickly, and this one happened even faster. They pulled the baby out and I think they even announced it was a girl (we didn't know the gender) as they took her to the infant table. It took a few minutes, but finally I heard her cry. She had required a lot of suction and some oxygen to stabilize her.

Bean went with the baby while they completed my surgery. Once surgery was complete, my doctor explained the situation. When they did the primary incision to get to my uterus, they found my uterus already completely open. Her words were that it "split in two like a piece of paper." They did not need to make any incision in my uterus and pulled the baby out of the opening. As they stitched my uterus up, they found that it has split right at the place of my first c-section scar.

Now you know I'm being real on my blog by posting this awful picture of myself! The only thing that mattered was that I was holding my baby. I'd been awake for over 24hrs, labored, pushed, had surgery and went through all that trauma. Apparently Gracie was sharing her opinion of it all too!


The baby is at most risk when a uterine rupture occurs. There is a loss of oxygen once the uterus opens. This explains why Gracie's heartrate began to fall and didn't recover while I was being prepped in the OR. Although it's hard to say, I suspect my uterus ruptured as they were transferring me to the OR, when I was feeling so much pain and pressure in spite of the epidural and wondering if the baby was going to be born before they even got the c-section started.

Uterine rupture is not very common. My doctors and nurses continued to talk to me about it during my stay in the hospital. Gracie never had to spend any time in the nursery and had no ill effects from the lack of oxygen she experienced.

While I had done my research and made an informed decision to try a VBAC based on the low rates of failure and low rates of rupture, I had not realized that the baby was in the most jeopardy when a rupture occurs. In search for more information and personal accounts after she was born, I found an online support group for women who had experienced a rupture. What broke my heart was how many of their baby's did not survive the rupture for a variety of reasons. They carried their babies for 9 months and never got to bring them home. Many of these women had prior c-sections. Some of them tried a VBAC, others just spontaneously ruptured.

Looking back on probably the scariest experience of my life, I can't help but see the hand of God. On me, on Gracie, on my doctors and nurses.

The next day, looking more put together!


Like I shared, I covered this all in so much prayer leading up to my due date. I prayed for wisdom for myself and Bean and all involved. I so desperately wanted to try to have a vaginal delivery, and on paper I was a good candidate. But I didn't want to be stubborn when it came to my safety and the safety of my baby.

I know God was involved in prompting the doctor to recommend a c-section when he did. And of course he had prepared me to say "yes" when that moment came. It was God who protected Gracie when she didn't have enough oxygen and spared us a most horrific outcome. God was all over it.

Sweet Gracie


Looking back, it may sound odd, but I don't regret my choices. I made the mot informed decision I could. I had a new OB with Lily and without me even asking, upon hearing my history she told me that I had been a good candidate for a VBAC and it was good I tried when I did. Sometimes, in spite of ourselves, God grants our petty wishes. I relish the memories of feeling those first "real" contractions, the gush of water, the labor and even the pushing. Me, the girl who would have had drug-free deliveries if possible, who ended up with 3 c-sections.

Even while recovering from Gracie's delivery, my OB assured me that I could have more babies, I would just be closely monitored and be delivered early. Gracie was 8lbs and 8oz! I looked back at a birth story I typed out and saw that the doctor said I had some "prominent pelvic bones" which combined with the baby's size were making for a difficult delivery. The hours of labor, the pushing, the big baby, just stretched my uterus beyond it's capacity. Some ruptures tear up the sides of the uterus, I was lucky I only tore at my previous scar.

That's why, I was so surprised to find myself pregnant again just a year after this traumatic delivery. I had wanted to give my body a bit longer to recover. I definitely experienced my share of anxiety and fear during my post-rupture pregnancy. But I knew I was in God's hands, as was my baby.

That's why, when I began to feel contractions at 36wks, I quickly made my way to the hospital. And that's why the doctor on call didn't want to touch me with a ten-foot pole. I guess they don't often see post-rupture pregnancies. They wanted me to consult with my dr, which is why they tried so hard to stop my labor that night. (God blessed me with a nurse who prepped my for my c-section who'd had 3 c-sections herself with various complications. It was so nice to know I wasn't the only one who took a few risks to have a baby!)

That's why I was SO relieved when my OB decided to deliver me the next day. I was petrified of experiencing another rupture. She said my uterus was in pretty good condition considering my history. It was just slightly thin, but holding up well. I'm sure it helped that little Lily was just 6lbs, a lot less for my scarred uterus to support!

So, this is the end of the world's longest birth story! I am SO blessed that she lived. That my little Gracie is here, to make me laugh and hug my neck. I pray for those mama's who's babies were born straight to heaven. I can't even imagine.

As you can tell, it's still pretty overwhelming for me to think about. The feelings will probably never go away. I do try to share my story whenever I can to inform and encourage and provide a rare perspective.

Although Bean teases me sometimes about wishing I lived on a farm or the little house on the prairie, I'm glad I don't and I'm thankful for good health insurance and medical care.

And I'm thankful for an AMAZING God who is so close and leads us and guides us and protects us. He is the key factor in everything.


I can't imagine life without my Gracie-girl.


Lily's birth story (my post-uterine rupture baby)

Six

Six months ago I headed to my OB to discuss my labor that had been stopped the night before. I was concerned for my baby's safety and was praying that she would feel it was time to deliver me. And she was.

Six months ago, Lily joined our family.

I can't believe it's been six months. Half a year. That's just incredible. It's gone so quickly. I've tried to enjoy the moments. But they pass so quickly when you're juggling a 3-ring circus with work and all the other things in life. It makes me a little sad that I'll probably never have the first six months of a new baby in my life. But I'm also excited to experience new things and move on from the difficult parts of having a new baby.



Lily started out as a little thing, just over 6 pounds. Now I think she weighs about 15 pounds. With such cute chub, especially on her legs!

Lily spent her first few months in the swing, then she moved on to the bouncer and now her favorite place is the exersaucer. She can roll over, but like my other girls, she's not very motivated yet to do it much. Her tummy is so sensitive that tummy-time is limited to minimize the spit-up. I would guess that she'll be a "late" bloomer when it comes to gross motor skills--just like Miss Rose and Gracie. It must be in the genes.

She's the most vocal of our babies, already trying to compete with her sisters. She's not as attached to her pacifier as the other girls were as babies, lately Lily's two middle fingers on her left hand are the pacifers of choice.

Lily enjoys watching her sisters and her face often lights up when they enter the room or interact with her.

Besides watching Lily develop, so much has happened in six months.

Gracie is potty-trained now, even sleeping through the night in her panties with minimal accidents.

Our house addition is moving closer to completion.

Miss Rose got into the school that was our first choice for her and we went to a Kindergarten playdate last week for her to begin to get acquainted with the teachers and other students.

If anyone has found a way to slow down time, please let me know.

I couldn't help but share these sweet photos from last week. Miss Rose is a great big sister (although she does get annoyed when Lily takes away from her precious time with babysitters and grandmas!) and Lily loves her too.





I'm working on the last installment in Gracie's birth story. Sorry...you'll have to wait a few more days for the conclusion.